Ding dong! Michele Bachmann’s retiring

Republican Minnesota congresswoman, and Tea Party favorite, Michele Bachmann, announced overnight that she’s retiring.


Bachmann made a point of noting that her announcement has nothing to do with any concerns about being re-elected (she almost lost last time), or about a recent complaint to the FEC about her presidential campaign, a complaint that came from one of her own staffers.

Which likely means that those things had everything to do with her decision.

You really have to watch her goodbye video – it uses that fuzzy soft-focus lens that Cybill Shepard used in Moonlighting. Seriously, look at her hair, and her face, everything is out of focus on purpose (which is perhaps only fitting):


Also, it was an odd choice to film the statement in Hogwarts’ potion lab.

And I’m sure that Bachmann’s retirement had nothing to do with the five investigations that are taking place of her campaign.  From National Journal:

The FBI, the Federal Election Commission, the Office of Congressional Ethics, the Iowa Senate Ethics Committee and the Urbandale, Iowa, police department are all investigating various aspects of Bachmann’s campaign, according to published reports in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune and the Des Moines Register.

Now for a quick visit down memory lane. Oh we’ll mess you, Michele, ye of the misspelled first name:

But what we’ll really miss is Michele Bachmann’s fabu husband Marcus, who makes Lindsey Graham look like Tom Selleck.

Visualization courtesy of reader Naja Pallida.

Visualization courtesy of reader Naja Pallida.

Marcus, as you’ll recall, is thuper therious about trying to cure gays. A topic that Jon Stewart and Jerry Seinfeld weighed in on.

Yeah, we’re gonna miss you guys.

Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Instagram | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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108 Responses to “Ding dong! Michele Bachmann’s retiring”

  1. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    Twenty five years ago was before gay bars became common place? Honey, you just weren’t looking very hard.

  2. hotbabyboomer says:

    when I was younger..about 25 years ago a few of my gay friends and I would go to the “conversion” camps and some meetings..WHY..The best place in the world to get a date..and most of the guys were really goodlooking. Of course that was before gay bars became common place.Those were the horniest and easiest guys to pick up..Don’t know about now..but those were the days.I never met anyone that was there for help..just to meet guys..

  3. hotbabyboomer says:

    Everything about Michelle Bchmann being Swiss is from 2012. Is she swiss? Anyone know of any newsarticle written in 2013 about this? I find many in 2012 but zero in 2013..So is she or isn’t she?

  4. LaurenMayer says:

    I for one will miss her – no one else could spout a bizarre conspiracy theory quite like her. (My personal favorite is the claim that The Lion King was gay propaganda because teachers could use it to make kids want to be gay since Elton John is. I guess that’s what happened to her oh-so-closeted hubby!)

    Anyway, here’s a musical salute to all the inspiration she’s provided comedians over the years . . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSm_NLwHiV4

  5. Sweetie says:

    There are effeminate heterosexual men just as there are masculine homosexual men. The innuendo about Lindsay Graham and Marcus Bachmann is not something I support. What matters is one’s conduct. Bachmann’s BS “conversion therapy” is just as wrong if he’s heterosexual. Graham’s politics are also equally wrong.

  6. Papa Bear says:


  7. karmanot says:

    I think ‘limo driver’ is a code word for that couple.

  8. karmanot says:

    There’s always broom for improvement.

  9. karmanot says:

    “put her feelers out” Ewwweeeeeh

  10. karmanot says:

    I part to the Spaghetti god that Marcus never ever, ever shows us his scruple.

  11. karmanot says:


  12. pappyvet says:

    Actually , no I havent Nicho, Acute carbon dioxide physiological effect is hypercapnia or asphyxiation sometimes known by the names given to it by miners: blackdamp (also called choke damp or stythe). Blackdamp is primarily nitrogen and carbon dioxide and kills via suffocation (having displaced oxygen). Miners would try to alert themselves to dangerous levels of blackdamp and other gases in a mine shaft by bringing a caged canary with them as they worked. There is a long history of Carbon Dioxide.
    For Ms. Bachman to claim that it isnt harmful was a slight of hand to bring confusion to the effects of climate change. Yes,we use it in our soda.

  13. samizdat says:

    I think you’ve answered your own question, no?

  14. GoBlue says:

    This self-declared constitutional scholar is not even correct that the president is limited by law to eight years. If the previous president dies in office with less than two years to go in his term, the vice president can fill out that term AND serve two more terms in his own right.

    This is why Lyndon Johnson, sworn in on November 22, 1963 and elected to a four-year-term in 1964, could run again in 1968. He chose not to only because he realized that with the country turning against the Vietnam war, he couldn’t win.

  15. lynchie says:

    Never happen. Congress has a way of protecting each other regardless of party affiliation. The list is endless Hastert, Delay as a couple of examples. Neither went to jail and are still paid a government pension, health care for life and the rest of the perks. Upon retirement she is eligible for 80% of her annual salary. No wonder so many of the incompetent boobs want to be in congress. No work = great pension.

  16. JayRandal says:

    Good riddance to bad rubbish. Day she finally leaves House should be declared a holiday forever.
    Perhaps she and her ugly husband might depart US to Switzerland. Swiss would dislike her too.

  17. citizen_spot says:

    The fog of derp?

  18. Naja pallida says:

    She claimed she formally renounced her Swiss citizenship, but I can’t imagine Swiss privacy laws would allow anyone to actually verify such a thing. Even if she did, all she’d have to do is reapply, since she’s eligible.

  19. d3clark says:

    Didn’t Michele the Moonbat successfully get her Swiss citizenship? If so, and the FBI gets too close, she may flee to Basel. Marcus would love it there just for the way the city’s name is pronounced.
    The crazy is strong in this one.

  20. AdmNaismith says:

    When she leaves Congress (halleluja), she’ll be held even less accountable for the bullshit she says than she is now. AND she’ll still be sucking ag subsidies and govt money for her ‘husband’s’ ‘clinic’ while she sucks at the teat of the tea-bagger public appearance circuit.
    Never mind she won’t be brought up on the campaign finance charges she so richly deserves.

    It’s all kind of win-win for her apart from never running for pres again.

  21. Naja pallida says:

    Hey, if all you want me to do is photoshop up pictures of Lindsey Graham as various figures of masculinity, I can do that! :)

  22. d3clark says:

    In Marcus’ case his “wand” probably looks like boiled linguini when Michele is near.

  23. d3clark says:

    Maybe there is an alternative to Fox for her http://i1250.photobucket.com/albums/hh536/DoctorDementoJr/bachmannckikfila.jpg

  24. d3clark says:

    Maybe, in Marcus’ case, Tammy F(l)ay(m)e

  25. AttilatheBlond says:

    I expect a televangelism career. She plays Jim and Marcus will be Tammy Faye.

  26. AttilatheBlond says:

    But FBI investigations, not so likely to disappear. Her name was on some doc directing illegal payments to an Iowa official from what has been reported. She’s in a lot of trouble.

  27. Julien Pierre says:

    Marcus must be getting ready for his coming out now that same-sex marriage is becoming legal in Minnesota.

  28. zorbear says:

    Oh great, now I’ve got to take my brain out and scrub it with bleach and gasoline again…

  29. Tor says:


  30. nicho says:

    I wouldn’t touch Marcus’ wand for a million dollars.

  31. nicho says:

    That “scrupulous” thing will bite you in the ass every time. To be a successful conservative you can’t have any scruple.

  32. nicho says:

    You have confused carbon dioxide with carbon monoxide. Carbon dioxide at low levels — up to 10-12 times current ambient levels — isn’t harmful. After that, it can displace oxygen in the air and can cause increased discomfort and at very high levels, not normally seen, could result in death.

  33. BeccaM says:

    “Oh look — chocolate tipped toothpicks!”

  34. BeccaM says:

    A girl can dream, can’t she? :-)

  35. BeccaM says:

    I’m 50. Not much of a youngster left here. ;-)

  36. karmanot says:

    The very visuals of Michele (or Marcus) digging deep is beyond endurance.

  37. Tor says:

    Hey, I’m 56 – You watch your mouth, young lady.

  38. Tor says:

    No. Bachman really is fuzzy in real life. But not the warm kind.

  39. karmanot says:

    Oh yeah. Sometimes I sneak into local Tea Party buffets and leave them there.

  40. karmanot says:

    True, ‘I am not a witch’ has made a career out of it.

  41. Tor says:

    Why can’t someone like myself, who is relatively well informed, somewhat intelligent, and scrupulously honest get paid like that for what I do?

  42. Tor says:

    Please remember to throw them away.

  43. Not to mention (astronomy is just another science the bumpkins ignore) that carbon dioxide has made Venus even hotter than Mercury. OOH! They’re pagan gods, so astronomers must worship Satan while we worship Ronald Reagan. Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!

  44. pappyvet says:

    that would be wonderful !

  45. pappyvet says:

    Lets review,

    ”It’s your state that fired the shot that was heard around the world! You are the state of Lexington and Concord, you started the battle for liberty right here in your backyard.”March 12, 2011 Michele Bachmann New Hampshire. The Battles of Lexington and Concord and the shot heard round the world took place in Massachusetts


    ”What I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.”June 27, 2011 John Wayne was born in Winterset, Iowa, John Wayne Gacy the serial killer was born in Waterloo.

    ”Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”2009
    Carbon dioxide prevents
    haemoglobin from carrying oxygen around the body; this leads to hypoxia which
    can cause organ failure, brain damage and death.
    There are many self serving people in this world who prey on the black helicopter crowd . The most frightening aspect of all this is that she was re elected.

  46. Butch1 says:

    I didn’t know he had a limo driver.

  47. karmanot says:

    Da butch doesn’t work. It’ll scare the Twinks away.

  48. karmanot says:

    Could be a terminal illness.

  49. karmanot says:

    I always carry toothpicks just in case.

  50. karmanot says:

    Lets send her some skies and a tree for her retirement party.

  51. karmanot says:

    Maybe Marcus is channeling his inner Liberache.

  52. karmanot says:

    Maybe one of the foster kids has a tell-all coming out.

  53. Butch1 says:


  54. Butch1 says:

    Did they “adopt” anyone recently? ;-)

  55. Butch1 says:

    I hope not; we do NOT need any representation from the likes of him.

  56. Butch1 says:

    He certainly goes through them fast. ;-)

  57. Butch1 says:

    Is THAT what they are . . . ;-)

  58. dcinsider says:

    Sadly there is only one place for misguided, mentally ill, nut-jobs to go when they leave Congress . . . Fox News.

  59. Naja pallida says:


  60. karmanot says:

    The slippers are one thing, but that wand, grab the wand!

  61. karmanot says:

    Yep, Dr. Marcus does the bushes.

  62. karmanot says:

    Glen Beck founded a University, maybe she can chair a department over there.

  63. nicho says:

    To spend more time with “family”

  64. nicho says:

    I wouldn’t screw him with someone else’s dick. Creepy.

  65. karmanot says:

    Louie Gohmert makes driveway gravel look like Harvard material. And That accent!

  66. nicho says:

    Yeah, but why not run? Even if she’s going to lose, she can hoover a lot of money out of the pockets of the wingnut base.

  67. nicho says:

    Those aren’t bongs. Those are Marcus’ penis pumps.

  68. Whitewitch says:

    I thought the very same thing Karmanot….wonder if Marcus is coming OUT!!!

  69. nicho says:

    Yeah, but as long as the Teabaggers will dig deep to hear her spew her nonsense, she’ll do okay. All she has to do is show up, get her check, then diss liberals and the government for an hour, and she’s good. It’s about as good a gig as you can get.

  70. Naja pallida says:

    Sadly, ethics investigations inside of Congress have a tendency to just disappear once a member says they’re retiring, unless they get referred to an actual legal investigation.

  71. cole3244 says:

    memories are short as our elections show, she would be a striking reminder since she is so out there and not covert in her actions, imo.

  72. karmanot says:

    Maybe Marcus has a Roy Cohn revelation coming out.

  73. citizen_spot says:

    Given all of those interesting looking bongs on the shelf behind her, I’m surprised she is still able to maintain her cold dead unblinking stare throughout the 8+ minutes of that video.

  74. BeccaM says:

    Besides wanting to cash in on the Wingnut Welfare circuit, this here might have something to do with her decision as well:

    Democrat Jim Graves says he’ll take another run at Republican U.S. Rep. Michele
    Bachmann in Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District.


    Bachmann just barely held onto her seat last time, at six points less than Romney received in the district. And a recent poll showed her trailing behind Graves in a theoretical match-up.

  75. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    She had re-election ads running on local TV just last week. Something had to prompt this sudden decision, and it’s going to hit the fan.

  76. Naja pallida says:

    We have the whole Fox Noise channel, we don’t need her in Congress.

  77. cole3244 says:

    i think we need pols like bachmann and other wack jobs in the public eye to educate the uninformed about their agenda, besides i like to know where the crazies are so i don’t run into one in a dark alley, i will sleep a little lighter from now on with one eye open.

  78. nicho says:

    A little Vaseline on the lens.

  79. nicho says:

    Related news: Former Members of Congress, Mary Whitaker Bono Baxley Mack (family values champion) and Connie Mack are calling it Splitsville now that they no longer can gain advantage from one another.


    As soon as both were booted out of office in November, I gave the “marriage” a year. Mary hasn’t done bad for a former waitress who married the millionaire boss, got his seat in Congress (and all his music royalties) when he died, and then hooked up with two more millionaires in a row. I’m guessing she won’t be looking for her next conquest on eHarmony. She’s going to become — drum roll please — a lobbyist.

  80. Monoceros Forth says:

    There are so many ways she can keep herself in the limelight, at least to a degree, and keep sucking up some of that sweet sweet money. Writing books, going on the lecture circuit, becoming a radio or TV personality, forming a PAC and embezzling the money, running for higher office with no intention of winning and embezzling the money…the possibilities are endless.
    I would argue however that Palin has “gone away” in the sense that her only real audience is the wingnut base. To the rest of the world she is a curiosity.

  81. DrRandyG says:

    Sadly, I doubt she OR her husband are going to disappear from the public eye.

  82. Monoceros Forth says:

    If Peter Bogdanovich could do it, so can you.

  83. FLL says:

    Her qualifications are that she has no common sense and a big mouth. With those qualifications in mind, where, oh where, could she possibly reappear? All together now: Fox News!

  84. BeccaM says:

    That was my conclusion as well. Even through the filter, she looks like she caked on the foundation with a trowel. I look at the Google Glasses photo, which is much more realistic, and she’s definitely got a 57 year old face going on there, complete with lines, roughness, and the old chicken-neck.

  85. And you tell me you wouldn’t know what to write :)

  86. nicho says:

    File this under “She ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

    Remember in 2008 when all these people smugly said that we’d never hear from Sarah Palin again? People like Bachmann and Palin are like getting dog shit on a sneaker. Just when you think you’re gotten rid of it all — there’s more.

  87. nicho says:

    I’m sure Marcus has spent a fair share of his time in the bushes — cruising the park.

  88. MyrddinWilt says:

    The shot is not out of focus, they used some sort of soft focus filter. Most likely added in post production. If you look the fuzzy effect is only round her face, her neck is in focus and so is the lapel button. Its only above her neck that it goes fuzzy. Kind of like the photos in the girly mags used to go blurry in certain spots in the 1970s.

    She has really heavy makeup which the soft focus blurs into a blob but you can see the cracks round her mouth when she speaks.

    Bachmann is 57, she is trying to look like she is in her 20s. It doesn’t work.

  89. BeccaM says:

    My money is on Louie Gohmert.and Ted Cruz.

  90. MyrddinWilt says:

    Only dead fish go with the flow…

    So, she has realized that she is not going to get elected to a step up in the ladder. She is not going to be allowed to stand against Franken or Klobuchar for Senate and if she did she would lose by a mile. She isn’t going to be nominated for President and nobody is going to ever pick her as their VP after what Palin did for McCain.

    Its not just the corruption inquiries and the likelihood she would lose re-election that make now a good time to leave Congress. The Tea Party wave has crested. People were mad about the fact that the Bush administration had bailed out the banks rather than people like them. Six years later most of the TARP money has been paid back and the deficit is falling again. Meanwhile the Tea Party movement has been hijacked by the very people who caused the crash in the first place.

    Cashing in on the buckraking tour is Bachmann’s best option. She can easily get $30K a pop for speaking on the wingnut tour and likely much more. Fox News will likely kick in a fat contract as a commentator like they did for Sarah. And lets face it, Bachmann is a real nasty piece of work but she doesn’t come close to Palin’s ability to make forthright statements on topics that she obviously knows absolutely nothing about. So she is likely to last rather longer than Palin did on Fox. She would likely be quite an asset for them in the 2016 election campaign.

  91. BeccaM says:

    Cybill sure did know how to rock those insanely padded shoulders, huh? :-)

  92. eahopp says:

    While I am happy that Michele Bachmann is finally retiring, and that Congress has lost a Tea Bagger Nut Job, I do have to wonder who the next right wing nut job will be filling Bachmann’s shoes?

    And John, just because the Wicked Witch of the East is dead, does not mean that the Wicked Witch of the West won’t pop up:


  93. Naja pallida says:

    Makes Lindsey Graham look like Tom Selleck? He doesn’t need any help with that!

    Good riddance… but you know she’ll just turn up as a talking head on Fox Noise.

  94. Naja pallida says:

    She was in the hedges, not in the closet.

  95. jomicur says:

    Was she looking for her husband?

  96. jomicur says:

    This is terrible news. American comedy hasn’t taken a blow this bad since the death of W.C. Fields.

  97. brian says:

    That was my first thought when she announced she was retiring from the House. No doubt she put her feelers out when problems started to arise. They are probably paying her much more than she could make in the House and she gets media attention as an “expert,” which will extend her career.

  98. Dave of the Jungle says:

    I’m STILL in love with Cybill Shepard. Thought I was over that.

  99. UncleBucky says:

    OH, you’re so happy! Hm, did YOU get Marcus’s ruby slippers? Huh? :D :D :D

  100. UncleBucky says:

    Now, who gets Marcus’s ruby slippers?

  101. Mighty says:

    I’m glad. This needs to be the first domino to fall on the bigot right.

  102. Dave of the Jungle says:

    She can become the Sarah Palin Professor of Complete Idiocy at Fox News.

  103. Monoceros Forth says:

    Sure it does, if they are more reproductively successful.
    Sorry, the whole “I’m more evolved than you” shtick really sticks in my craw for multiple reasons, not the least because it makes no sense given how evolution works.

  104. gratuitous says:

    How did you miss the clip of Michele bravely hiding in the hedges, covertly spying on a gay rights rally? When she was spotted, she high-tailed it outta there like a 13-year-old shoplifting a bottle of nail polish. If I had mad You Tube skilz, I’d go find it myself.

  105. Indigo says:

    Evolution does not favor the weak or ignorant.

  106. Watch the Wizard of Oz clip, it’s more fun :)

  107. Whitewitch says:

    I simply couldn’t watch the whole video…sorry – but it is just too icky. How sad for her Ding dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead…except now she will probably become a well paid lobbyist for her nutty ideas.

    P.S. Is it possible that the world is becoming sane??? Nah….

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