38% of Floridians open to possibility that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer

When you watch Ted Cruz speak, something seems a bit…off.

Part of it is his face, which Rolling Stone‘s Matt Taibbi recently described as looking “like someone sewed pieces of a waterlogged Reagan mask together at gunpoint.”

It’s not just Taibbi, though. There really is something off about Ted Cruz’s face. Writing in Psychology Today, neurologist Richard Cytowic explained how, at a cognitive level, Ted Cruz has a Backpfeifengesicht, which translates from German as “a face in need of a good punch.” Put another way, when you look at Ted Cruz and feel at a semi-conscious level that you want to punch him in the face — even if you aren’t sure why — it’s not you. It’s him.

Another part of it is his voice. Listen to Ted Cruz talk about anything — anything — and you’ll come away convinced that the Soviets have armed a nuclear missile, and that he alone is our last, best hope to beat back the Reds. Every sentence is the last scene in an action drama — the most important thing you will ever hear. It commands your attention, but not in a good way.

Combine that with the fact that Ted Cruz has a generally abrasive and annoying personality, and you wind up with an all-around shady character. Despite his ham-fisted slogan, people exposed to Cruz don’t default to feeling that he is someone to be, ahem, TrusTed.

Cruz’s off-putting nature probably has something to do with the fact that a recent satirical conspiracy raising the possibility that Ted Cruz is the infamous Zodiac Killer has gotten legs. Cruz was born one year after the Zodiac Killer began his string of as-yet unsolved murders, and grew up 1,300 miles away from where the crimes took place, but that obviously isn’t the point. As Twitter user @Vrunt explained to Esquire:

Screen Shot 2016-02-26 at 11.32.47 AM

We want answers.

It makes perfect sense. Maybe not in a “The evidence lines up'”sort of way. But when you first hear that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer you don’t think, “What? How? That’s absurd.'”You think, “Haha, yeah, all right. He is.”

Ted Cruz is a creepy dude. If there were a superlative for “Most Likely to Be a Cryptic Serial Killer” in high school, Ted Cruz would have won. When you hear that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, it feels truer than any set of facts could bear out.

The meme has picked up so much steam that Public Policy Polling, by popular demand, asked Floridians in their most recent survey of the Republican primary what they thought of it. And wouldn’t you know it, Floridians have the same default uneasiness about Cruz as the rest of us. When asked if they believed that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, ten percent of respondents said they were sure he was. Another 28 percent were open to the possibility. Taken together, nearly four in ten Floridians think it’s possible that Ted Cruz is in fact the Zodiac Killer.

Wake up, America.

Jon Green graduated from Kenyon College with a B.A. in Political Science and high honors in Political Cognition. He worked as a field organizer for Congressman Tom Perriello in 2010 and a Regional Field Director for President Obama's re-election campaign in 2012. Jon writes on a number of topics, but pays especially close attention to elections, religion and political cognition. Follow him on Twitter at @_Jon_Green, and on Google+. .

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13 Responses to “38% of Floridians open to possibility that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer”

  1. Silver_Witch says:

    Oh shit ruined yet another keyboard. Death by spewing coffee on the keyboard through nose.

  2. panther45 says:

    I always took him as the son of Joseph McCarthy the famous “Reds under the bed” witchhunt specialist. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_McCarthy . McCarthyism is not dead and buried?

  3. This headline is LOL! He’s creepy and the Donald is creepy too.

  4. Demosthenes says:

    Creepy is as creepy does.

  5. Duke Woolworth says:

    Until I saw him walk across the stage before the last “debate” I didn’t realize that he’s so uncomfortable in his own skin that even that turns people off. It truly reminds me of Nixon’s physical awkwardness.

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  7. nicho says:

    Breaking: The Zodiac Killer turned himself in today. He didn’t want people to think that he was Ted Cruz.

  8. LasloPratt says:

    And if we apply Cokie Roberts’ thinking to this, the fact that so many people feel that way is proof that there must be something to it.

  9. Butch1 says:

    Mine as well, Mike!

  10. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    Good description Butch, except you failed to mention that he makes my skin crawl.

  11. Butch1 says:

    Ted Cruz has an arrogant, weasel like look to his face; the eyebrows are constantly in a frowning position as he stares through you as though you were a bug and not human. He looks down on you and talks with a “there-there” attitude as though you were a child that needs explaining to. He considers himself superior and more intelligent than everyone, he dislikes everybody and trusts no one. When he speaks it has a whiny, nasal high pitched sound that emanates from his face as he looks at you. If any person touches him he basically shutters from being touched. He doesn’t like to have others touch him, HE has to be the one in charge and in control to do the touching as in putting a hand on someone’s shoulder. You can tell he hates being in a crowd to see people, but knows he has to do it to run for the presidency. He’s a pathological liar and will use it to his advantage.

  12. hauksdottir says:

    Herr Rattenkönig, and his intimate friend Senator Cruz, were waiting in a bar for the 2 Corinthians.

  13. BeccaM says:

    Ah, political rat-fuckery in its most pure distillation. And directed at the biggest Republican rat-fucker since Nixon and Atwater.

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